between good and stupid

Already 3 months since he decided to leave and choose another woman to replace my position. and until now I never stopped loving him and hope he will come back to me. maybe my way to forget it was not optimal, but I admit hard.

I still really love him and care about him. I'll do anything as long as I can spend the day with him even if only through a short message, I wanted to be his friend, I'd love to share with him, feeling happy, feeling sad, angry, or upset even though now I'm not the woman he loved most.

although at the same time I was sad when I heard her name called, but I'll try to keep the pain was as strong as possible. Although I know you do good on me only if there are willing, I will remain good to you. because I love you so much. I really miss you, the expression of your face, your laughter, your smile, your perfume. if I start to feel it I can only cry and pray to God, or I hugged the doll and hoped it was you.
perhaps people will say I'm stupid because I still love and care to those who were not at all concerned with my feelings.

Lord help me to get through it all, if he is the best for me to return it to me, grow back his affection to me, 

and opened its doors sorry for everything I've done, give me a chance to fix it again.

Lord if he is not the best for me, keep it away from me, make me hate him and make me to stop loving. 

and I give his successor a man who ternbaik and loves me sincerely.

Lord, I beg you give me the best according to you, because I did not get through all this without your help. 

I believe you will not leave me when I'm need you and your protection. I surrender to you Lord.

in the same way :(

That day I feel sad and angry at the same time. I feel my heart and my head will explode.
I finally decided to stay at my friend's house. where they listened to all my stories, wiped my tears, make suggestions, and hold my hand with love.
they are angry with what he did to me, they were disappointed, because they know the real story and they know how I tried to fix it.
they help me so that I can continue my life without looking back. I'm sure if they make me stronger, and I get through all this trouble.

then I'm sure I could, although I'm sure this pain is a process towards a better start. but my heart says otherwise.
I'm confused, and until now I'm confused, what should I do, what steps I should take.

I Can't hate Him

I write in early March, a week after I wrote  "God answered my prayer"

Don't know why, I could never hate him.
after all the pain, tears came out, and angry, 
I still can't hate him.

although now I know that he already has another woman at his side,
I still can not hate him.
I always wanted there to help him,
I want to be able to listen to what he experienced that day, all the story.
no matter how hard me to hate him, I still can't.

Sometimes I am confused what to do to hate him,
but no matter how hard I tried to hate him,
I realize that I still love him ..

God answered my prayers

I write this in early March at my little book

So far I feel that I led him away from me and I blame myself. I feel my effort is not maximized to prove that I could change for the better. I never cease to pray, asking God to give me strength and patience in the face of everything.

One day he sent a short message and implied that he had an affair behind me, (Affair here means he has been playing hearts with her ​​long before she decided to split up with me), when I know about all, I came back sad and cry, but I feel relieved.

I am relieved because this is not entirely my fault. I am grateful that God gave the answer to my prayer. but in reality I still love him

Good song.. ^^

SOMEDAY ( NINA )

Someday you'll gonna realize
One day you'll see through my eyes
But then i won't even be there
I'll be happy somewhere
Even if i can't

I know
You dont really see my worth
You think your the last guy on earth
Well i've got news for you
I know i'm not that strong
But it won't take long
Won't take long

Chorus

Coz someday, someone's gonna love me
The way, i want you to need me
Someday, someone's gonna take your place
One day i'll forget about you
You'll see, i won't even miss you
Someday, someday

But now
I know you can't tell
I'm down,and i'm not doing well
But one day these tears
They will all run dry
I won't have to cry
Sweet goodbye

Chorus

Coz someday, someone's gonna love me
The way, i want you to need me
Someday, someone's gonna take your place
One day i'll forget about you
You'll see, i won't even miss you
Someday, someday 


DON'T LOOK BACK (Adhitia Sofyan)

Don’t look back
I’ll be holding your picture
Until you walk into the door
In this old house
I’ll be spending my time
Watching the dust flying in the wind
Waking up to empty Saturday nights
Wonderful time of the day
Secretly wasted and hopelessly fading
Till you walk into the door
Don’t look back
You go full speed ahead now
While these walls
Freeze me back in time
In this old / small town
I’ll be spending my time
Watching the lights went down /go down in the night


ANGEL ( Westlife )

Spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there's always one reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
oh beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty
and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here

so tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there's vultures and thieves at your back
the storm keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lie
that you make up for all that you lack
it don't make no difference
escaping one last time
it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here

Thunderstorm

I wrote in mid-February in my little book

He treated me like I was his girlfriend, even better than that. 3 days after that I knew he was approaching another woman out there, I felt sad but I'm not desperate to get it back. honestly I still love him very much.
 

A few days later he sent a message, asking me to take care of him because he was sick. At the same time I see the status of facebook and have been written there that he has formed relationships with other women.
My body was shaking, I can only cry, and I lost hope to get it back.

I can only pray to God that I be given strength, patience and sincerity.

Unexpected

I wrote 3 months ago in my little book

Establish a relationship with a commitment for a year is not easy, many of which I feel happy, sad, angry, and feel disappointed. I loved him, even more than I love myself. I accept him with what is, I do not see who their parents, or family backgrounds. I tried to help him to become a better person, although not easy.

I really have made ​​a huge mistake. but not having an affair with someone else. something that did break the commitment, then I plead guilty and promised not to do it. I changed all my life pattern. and that I do for me, him and our relationship.
I became someone else, I really leave my bad habit only to our relationship, because we decided to go to the next stage which is more serious. I introduced him to my extended family, giving all my love to him, to help when he fell.

but everything I did didn't mean anything to him.
several months passed he treated me like a woman who never existed and meant to his life. 3 months after the incident, he decided to leave me just like that without thinking of all my efforts to fix it, he left me without thinking about my feelings.
he left me with a reason that can not be accepted.

I realize a sense of sadness, pain, and all the tears that I spend not going to change anything. but this time I could only cry. I can not think straight, I lost my direction, I do not dare to look ahead and imagine what happens tomorrow.